Why Bad Guys Are In Charge of the World

...because only bad guys want to be in charge of the world. Good guys are all having too much fun watching sci-fi TV, doing research, or hugging their significant other. Even Deaniacs are really just taking a break from studying sociology and watching sci-fi TV. So bad guys, who wake up every day and say "today I'd really like to screw some nice people out of their money," end up ruling the world by default. The best we good guys can hope to do is get some guy like Clinton to protect us (i.e. some guy who wakes up and thinks "today I'd really like to screw some nice people out of their socks.").

Such is the thin thread that stands between friendly sweeties and the barbarous void.

A few articles from the front lines of the battle between evil and lesser evil:

1. Here's an article called "Some Republicans Tire of Bush's Wiretapping Stance". Probably good to hear, at least if the alternative is "No Republicans Tire of Bush's Wiretapping Stance". Optimist take on this story: Bush is a lame duck, paralyzed by his lack of voter trust, so unpopular that his party wants to distance itself from him. Pessimist's take: What's Congress going to do, earmark Bush out of office? This is Congress we're talking about. Cynic's take: Bush told some Republicans to pretend like they disagree with him so later when they "change their minds" it'll look like Bush was really persuasive. Megacynic's take: come on, this news story is from a site where the two most viewed links are "Carnal Knowledge" and "Sex and Love: The New World".

2. Dutch Muslims have released a cartoon depicting Anne Frank and Hitler in bed, apparently in an attempt to show Danes how truly offensive cartoons can be. Of course, no in the West even cared - after all, we make Hitler jokes on a daily basis. The people who released this cartoon just ended up proving a different point - that radical Islam is quite a bit more intolerant than anyone in the West, and that the "cartoon furor" really is just an attempt by Islamists to force Westerners to abide by the laws of the Muslim religion. In the words of Michael Kinsley:

Of course it is not Western values that are trampling freedom of expression: It is the ayatollah's own values, combined with the threat of violence. The other problem with his little joke about double standards, and with the whole supposedly mordant comparison between denying the Holocaust and
portraying the prophet, is that the offended Muslims do not want a world where people are free to do both. They don't even want a world where people are not free to do either, which would at least be consistent. They want a world where you may not portray the Prophet Mohammed (even flatteringly, slaying infidels or whatnot) but you may deny the Holocaust all day long.

I'm even tempted to agree with the position taken up by Republican hacks, which is that the whole episode has just been staged by Iran and Syria to take attention off of their own misbehavior. Well, nuts to the whole Islamist fruit basket. Wait til I come out with my cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad receiving Carnal Knowledge from Wonder Warthog. It'll be hilariously funny and cause a clash of civilizations.

(Besides, I don't get the Anne Frank cartoon. Hitler is saying "Write this one in your diary Anne!" What's that supposed to mean? Hitler and Anne Frank had sex? Yeah, OK. So?)

3. Here's a story that my friend Benn might appreciate (African economics being his bag, baby), called "The West Can't Save Africa." It has good points. Goodest among them is the idea that, although ageing rock stars and digitally enhanced women may tell us that Africa would be fine if only we'd cancel its debts and give more aid, Africa's salvation depends mostly on Africans. The article tells the story of a tech startup arbitrarily seized by the government - with that kind of shenanigan going on, how is any Western aid program going to put food on Africans' tables? Africa's problem is that Africa is ruled by a bunch of kleptocrats (or kakistocrats), possibly because there isn't any nationalism or strong religion to provide any kind of force to unite the people (possibly just because the bad guys have lots of AK-47s). So our best bet is to try to get the bad guys to vacate the premises and find some Bill Clintons to put in their place (you have to admit, at least Clinton didn't exactly put himself at risk of AIDS).

Well, OK, I was kidding. The bad people don't really rule the world any more than the good people do - they're all too busy watching reality TV, carjacking, and cheating on their loved ones. Actually, nobody rules the world - it's run by systems far too complex for any individual to have much direct effect on, which evolve slowly and inevitably while we flow along like cells down the bloodstream, doing our little jobs, never perceiving the grand whole of which we are only a tiny part.

I guess the best we can do is to vote Democrat and click over to "Sex and Love: The New World"...

Bonus Reading Guide: At least the humans are beating the sharks...